


Pendulum

by Aoide



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bipolar Disorder, Drug Abuse, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Kink Meme, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 23:18:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4723973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoide/pseuds/Aoide
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori never found life easy, mostly because it wouldn't stay still long enough for him to get the hang of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pendulum

**Author's Note:**

> For the Kink Meme prompt: [Here](http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/13429.html?thread=25308277#t25308277/)
> 
> This was a really difficult one to write, seeing as I have rapid cycling bipolar, but it kinda wouldn't let me go. It was interesting to pull away from my own experiences to write from someone else's perspective though.
> 
> Admittedly, I was not intending this to be the first thing I've written/posted in about a decade, but oh well!

He doesn’t really know when it started. He knows he was a difficult child, moody and sulky and not particularly interested in the world around him, but his mother, and eventually Dori both used to tell him to grow up already. At night, they’d talk about him, worriedly, but they always resolved that it was just something he needed to grow out of.

As he got older, things changed. He got the hang of the whole social thing, with some liberal help from his friends ale and wine. He started working as an apprentice with the city guard, and though he was passable with the larger weapons, it was the knives that drew his eye, and that let him shine. He was doing well, he was doing great - everyone was telling him so, and well, of course he was. He was amazing, this shouldn’t be knows to anyone. This time when he eavesdropped on his mother and Dori, they were worried about how little he was sleeping, how rushed he was all the time, but they decided that it must just be the thrill of success, and he would learn how to calm down soon.

He started rising in the ranks, his sharp mind and sharper tongue getting him in trouble from time to time, but the quality of his work was unparalleled. His arrest to conviction rate rose to nearly one hundred percent. The parties happened more and more often, until one night, after having added a very generous portion of silverdust to his drink, the party kept on going. For three days he went on, and he woke up in a barrel, in a barn, nobody else in sight, and these were definitely not his clothes.

Being fired from the guard was not unexpected - he didn’t even go to beg forgiveness and he weeks following that were some of the worst of his life. It was like an aching hole had opened up in his chest, and had drained all the light and colour from the world. He found a job down at one of the taverns, but was barely able to keep up. He was constantly being yelled at, dropping things with fingers that just wouldn’t respond right, making silly mistakes in the orders. He couldn’t even manage to sweep the floor properly. He was soon fired again, but he spent his work hours sitting in a field just outside the Halls so that nobody would find out. He stared up at the stars and imagined one of them crashing down to land on top him. It was an interesting thought, with more life to it than anything that had passed through his brain recently. He closed his eyes to watch it play out in his mind’s eye.

“Just let it stop.” He whispered to no one.

Ori was born. His mother died. Nori didn’t particularly notice either of these events. But Dori’s constant hassling about money soon made him cave, and he walked out of the house with no particular desire to return. He didn’t want to deal with the crush of life that was the marketplace, the sights and sounds overwhelming, but he had to go through it to get out to the field.

And as he walked, he noticed that one particular dwarf had his money pouch rather poorly attached to his belt. In fact, if Nori were to hold out his hand, flick with one finger and -

He slipped into the side alley, counting out coins. It was no great hoard, but it was something, something he could give to Dori and Ori. His heart pounded in his chest, he could feel it pulsing in his ears. He quickly slipped the coins into his own, empty pouch, discarding the empty one. It was one of the ways they had identified thieves in the guard, by taking a description of the pouch. This one was lovely, beaded and done up with gold wire. He raised an eyebrow at his own stupidity, and quickly removed all the gold from the pouch. He slipped that into his shirt pocket, and strode home. It was the start of something functional in his life, a skill that he could always rely on, and didn’t require an employer or tools or forges.

This strange pendulum of the heart ruled his life. It swung one way, and he was pulling off the most profitable heists, dodging guards like they were standing still. He got caught, once, but he had already hidden the spoils, and so he laughed with exhilaration, teasing them with almost-confessions, making them grind their teeth and squeeze their axes. But after this, the pendulum swung back the other way, far beyond it’s equilibrium and into the darkest hours of his life. 

It was like his mind was gone, his thoughts dull and insipid. He got caught pick-pocketing twice, but managed to pass it off as a mistake the first time, and managed to hide the second. He cancelled the big heist he had planned, put a little braid in Ori’s hair while he slept, and headed up to the cliff face.

It was the peak of the Halls, a tiny path running up the side, and it was not so much a cliff as a lookout over the Halls. He sat on the edge and just watched the world go by, for how long he didn’t know, but it was definitely daytime when he looked up to realise the guard with the mohawk was sitting beside him. Thank the Maker he didn’t try and pull the conversation on Nori though - all the guards were taught a conversation structure to use up here. Nori wasn’t up here for that though. He just needed the world to not be so overwhelming for a while, to stop pushing him and stop asking for more when he had nothing left to give.

In hindsight, the dwarf was excellent company.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Did someone take off their shoes twice? It's just me on the other side of this screen (well, me and my cat, but she's not much of a beta) so let me know if anything needs some TLC!


End file.
